Why? What do you get out of it?

I get asked why did I want to ride across the country more than any other question along the route. I am not sure I am able to properly answer that question because not even I know for sure why I wanted to push myself to ride over 4000 miles for no apparent gain on my part. I think a bit of history is in order here for others to maybe better understand what got me on my bike. I was a healthy active 40 year old man with a family and a good job when suddenly I ended up in the hospital. I was in agonizing pain and after several surgeries I was sent home on a stretcher and told by the doctors to take all the morphine I wanted for pain control because there was nothing else they could do for me. I could not walk or even get out of bed. I was told I would never be able to walk again.   In a few months I was able to use a wheelchair which I hated. To say that I was depressed from my sudden disability would be a severe understatement. Then my wife at the time told me she did not want to spend the rest of her life with a cripple and she took my kids and left me alone. There was nothing I could do about it. I had no money, my body was a mess and my brain was even worse. I got screwed over in the divorce and ended with almost nothing. I was suicidal from having my kids taken away from me and actually made more than one attempt to take my life but was not able to do the job for various reasons. I was eventually able to stand up and walk a few paces. Then I bought a dilapidated old house with a big death stain in the living room thanks to the previous owner that died in the house. I proceeded to try to remodel it into a disabled accessible home. It took me years of work and I had to call in all my favors from my friends to get the house done. I was still in extremely high pain and very disabled physically and my depression was still at the suicidal level. I had to take life a day at a time and often a minute at a time to stay alive. I decided to sell the house and take the money down to Mexico and blow it in a few months trying to enjoy myself and then when the money ran out, I planned on killing myself. There was only one flaw with my plan. While I was relaxing on the beaches of Mexico I started to get healthier by the day. My body and more importantly my brain started to get better. My depression was lifting. My mobility started to go up also. I pushed myself to walk on the beach. At first it was hard to just walk to the beach but with determination I started to walk along the beach every day. I got better and better physically and I started to actually get a little bit happy. The change surprised me. I was caught off guard that I was no longer suicidally depressed and stuck in a wheelchair. That isn't to say that I was no longer disabled. I still had very high pain and a very limited ability to walk. I was able to walk about a block a day and I stopped using my wheelchair completely. I spent the next seven years trying to heal while living in Central and South America from Costa Rica to Argentina. Then one day I came back to the U.S. and I got stuck here when Social Security told me I could not leave the country again until I was 62 and a half years old. I was resigned to live in the states from then until now. The problem with that is that it is impossible to live in the states on the amount of money I get for Social Security. I tried to do the best I could but it was impossible to survive without the help and generosity of my friends and family. I ended up owing everybody that I knew for something or other. I felt like a parasite with no self pride in anything. Then my health started to slide again. My pain went back up to unbearable levels and my mobility went down. I was close to living out of a wheelchair again when I discovered that I could still ride a bicycle. I could not walk but I found I could ride all day long and it actually made my pain go down. I started to ride a lot. I started to get fit. My weight went down and my pain was more manageable. Then Social Security and the counties started to mess with me. The made me feel like a total parasite again. My depression was again spiraling down the more they harassed me. Social Security will lie to people and try to trick them into making a mistake so that they can chop them off the rolls. They are the lowest, meanest people I have ever encountered in my life. They prevented me from seeing doctors for almost a year. My pain meds were gone and I was again suicidal. I made a plan to go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was mulling over my last arrangements before my suicide when I suddenly decided to just take off on my bike to points unknown. Back in my twenties I almost rode my bike across the country so on a whim I just decided to do it now before my suicide. Using a credit card, I went out and bought a touring bike and loaded it up with what I thought I needed, bought some maps and three days later I was on the road from San Francisco. I used the Golden Gate Bridge as my starting point and even considered just jumping that first day of my ride. Instead of jumping, I took off and started my ride. Fifty seven days of riding later, I finished my cross country ride. At the end of the ride I was happier than I have been since before I got disabled twenty years ago. I lost weight, got invigorated with new energy and a new reason to live. My depression is much better and at this time I am not always suicidal. I still can not live on my Social Security check so I still have issues. I had to borrow money from my family to be able to buy food for the last week of my ride. I am not sure how I will survive in the near future. I don't really have a plan. I do have some hope. The long hard ride showed me that I can push my limits and overcome many obstacles. Trying to find the stamina to make it up those hills and mountains and to push on despite being extremely tired taught me I am tougher than I thought. If I can find a way to focus that determination I might still beat the spiraling demons of depression. This battle I have won but the war is not over yet. So maybe now you can better understand why it is difficult for me to answer the question, "why did I ride across the country" when people ask. All I usually answer is, "I just love to ride and it is about the ride not the destination." Enjoy life while you still are able to...more later.

Still resting up in Florida

Well I feel like I have stopped losing weight finally. I have been sort of resting up here in St Johns Florida for about 9 days now. My weight continued to slide after I arrived here but now seems to have leveled off and hopefully I will regain a few pounds before I hit the road again. I am still eating about six meals a day and they are healthy meals for the most part but I am going for high caloric foods. I am still eating a lot of protein, fruits and veggies and of course baked goods like banana bread. I have also been riding every day, usually early in the morning for about thirty miles but I have rode as many as 82 miles in a day. All my purchases I wanted to make have been ordered and lots of them have already arrived. I am still waiting for business cards, camera battery, memory chip, air pump and my maps for the next section of my ride. I have made four trips to the beach here. I would like to be there every day but I live about 20 miles from the beach. There is also a pool here in the neighborhood that I am going to start going to with a woman I met that lives just down the street. I met her in St Augustine the first day I arrived when I randomly asked her for directions to my cousin's address. She thought I was joking because it was her street and only a few houses away. The world is getting smaller all the time as far as I am concerned. That was quite a coincidence asking her. We have since become friends. Catahoula Coffee in Richmond CA sent me a care package that arrived today. Tim, the owner, sent me a couple pounds of my favorite coffees that they roast but he also sent a coffee press to make the coffee with. Thanks Tim, I will enjoy that. Last night we got some rain and I went outside to watch it. There were toads all over the lawn and driveway. Two different types of toads. One was the Eastern Spadefoot I think and the other type was the Southern Toad as far as I can identify it. There are over thirty types of frogs and toads here in Florida. There are also lots of snakes. I have yet to catch a snake out in the open with my camera in hand but with the high numbers of snakes around it is just a matter of time before I get a good set of snake pics. The snakes are always crossing the roads here. It seems like all drivers aim for the snakes when they are out on the road. Even the ones that are already dead people will swerve to run over them yet one more time. Humans just seem to have an instinctive need to kill snakes. I don't seem to feel that way. I love snakes and almost all wildlife. I respect them and their right to live. I just wish more people felt the same. More later...

Day 7 of Rest

Well I guess I am being a bad boy these days. I am supposed to be resting up but I just can not sit around doing nothing. The other day, I rode 52 miles to downtown Jacksonville and today I rode 82 miles to the beach and then rode north to another beach. In all fairness the rides are without bags and all the weight of the stuff in the bags so my bike seems to fly by comparison to my fully loaded touring. My speed was usually around 20 to 21 mph today whereas while touring my usual speed was about 4 mph slower and it was much more effort to do that speed than what it takes to go 21 with no weight or wind drag. I also still need to keep in shape for the rest of my ride. I have started doing daily yoga and exercises again now too. I found out when I restarted that my long ride across the country really stiffened up the rest of my body. I was kind of shocked by how stiff I was. It is going to take me a long time to loosen up again. I need to be more diligent about stretching while touring from now on. It is difficult to ride hard all day and then put in a half hour or more of stretching and twisting to limber up. I will have to force myself to do it in the future though. My leg that I tore during my seizure a couple weeks ago is still very stiff and sore. I massaged it to try to get it looser so I hope it heals soon. I had hoped that by now it would be ok. Getting older sucks because everything heals slower now. I saw a nice snake on my ride but I am too slow on the draw for the pic. I did better on a snapping turtle I rescued from crossing A1A which is a four lane highway. He was surprisingly speedy for me to catch. He was not the least bit afraid of me. I was careful not to let him get his head too close to any part of me. His hind feet tried to scratch me but I was able to avoid them. When I placed him back on the side of the road he turned toward me and just kind of stared at me for a minute before he turned tail and ran off into the swamp again. I had to laugh at him as he took off. Then I came across a bunch of cranes hanging around a little open water in the same swampy area. I took a few pics of them but when I got home and looked at the pics they were a bit blurry. I tried to clean the lens of my camera the other day and I guess all I did was smear the dirt around. I cleaned it again after seeing the pics today. I hope I got it clean this time. It is hard to clean because the lens is behind the shutter. I also ran into a Navy chaplain today. We talked a bit about his job which is mostly dealing with a lot of stressed out marines. Then we talked about the extremely high rates of post traumatic stress syndrome in the returning soldiers these days. He was a nice guy and a bike rider to boot. Well I need to go rest now since that is my current job. Enjoy life...more later

Resting in St Johns

Well I finished my coast to coast section three days ago now. I am staying with my cousin in St Johns for a while to rest up before I head north again in about a month. There has been a tropical storm named Beryl causing rain and wind since I arrived here. That has forced me into staying around the house. I still feel a bit stiff and sore in my legs. My left leg where I tore some tissue during a seizure over a week ago is still pretty sore as well. I am trying to massage it and stretch it to help it heal. I just hope it doesn't just add more chronic pain to my current high chronic pain level. Only time will tell me. I am continuing to have a huge appetite. Everyday I have eaten six meals. I am doing my best to eat healthy. Breakfast is usually fresh fruit with yogurt and granola or oatmeal and fruit. Then every two or three hours I have been eating hamburgers, burritos, sandwiches, enchiladas, vegies or some other meals. I just can't seem to eat enough no matter how much I eat. I am not gaining weight so I guess my body needs the fuel to repair itself. I will need to pare it down if I start sitting around too long here during my rest period. My plans are still vague but I do want to ride up to Virginia yet and see Wendy. I would love to go fishing with her up there. After that I might just return to Florida or maybe I will ride across on the Bicentennial bike trail as far as the Mississippi River then go up to Wisconsin for a short visit. I will decide later probably on the spur of the moment. I have been reflecting a lot on my ride so far. It is quite satisfying to know that I was able to complete the coast to coast section. I did it fairly fast at 46 days to cross from San Diego to St Augustine. Yesterday I read Gary's journal of the same ride and enjoyed reading about the same places from another persons viewpoint. He is also heading north up the east coast so I will follow his journal so I will be better prepared for my ride north. I will post some of my thoughts about my ride in the next few days. Until later then...

Ride Days 56 and 57

I never had time to do yesterday's update because the wifi was just too slow where I was. The last couple of days were hard riding for me. On day 56 I rode 82 miles when I had only planned on 50 miles. The extra 32 miles were all during the hottest part of the day and the heat was draining the strength from my legs. We left Tallahassee and rode the bike trail for 20 miles then had to essentially double back to get on the route to St Augustine. The bike trail was beautiful with a smooth surface and great old oaks covered with moss shading the trail. We saw some tortoises as we rode along. In the afternoon though it got very warm and humid. We had planned on only riding about 50 miles but could not find any place to stay in that range so we just kept riding until we found a place at 82 miles into the ride. I got a flat tire just as we pulled into the hotel for the night. I found a leak and patched it then tested it and found a bunch of leaks so I had to throw the tube out and put on my last new tube. Afterwards we went down to the hotel bar and had a few cold ones. In the morning we headed out to St Augustine only 31 miles away now. The bad part is I had a bad night of running to the toilet and got almost no sleep. When we started our ride today, I had absolutely no energy. My legs were noodles. I did not feel very good at all. This day was supposed to be a happy, last day, short ride to the coast. It ended up being very tough for me to finish. I had to stop a lot and rest. I could not get any power into my legs. We stopped early and ate a good big breakfast which I thought might help me, but after eating I just felt worse. I told Gary that he could just ride on ahead and leave me behind but he would not do it because he could see I was doing poorly and I think he was worried about me. I was also overheating and sweating way too much. Gary is just too nice and responsible to abandon me like that. So I tucked in behind his rig and rode right up tight to him to reduce the head wind that we were having today. It helped make my ride easier but I was still just a weak worm on the bike all day long. The ride should have been quick and easy but it took me a long time riding slowly to make it all the way. I thought about hitch hiking in to the coast and coming back later to ride it but Gary just kept telling me to go just a bit further first, and then finally we were there. We did find an unfinished bike trail that we rode along until it suddenly dead ended on us. We found a way through the dead end that got us back on the main route without too much doubling back so it worked out ok. When we got to town we rode straight over to Anastasia State Park Beach to complete our coast to coast segment of our rides. We took a few pics and then rode over to the hostel and checked in to do our laundry and get rid of our packs so that we could go down town and eat and have a few beers to celebrate the end of a long 4100 miles 57 day ride for me. I am happy the ride is over for now. I am ready to let my butt heal again and rest up so that I might get back some of the weight I lost. I need some spare tire you know. We ate at an ale house but after an appetizer of blue crab artichoke dip and a few beers we ate some desserts of fried banana split and rum bread pudding. The deserts were huge and filled us up so we never ate a main course. Later tonight we will be hungry and will eat more. Tomorrow I will write more about what I felt today getting here finally. Otherwise more later...

Ride Day 55

This morning it was foggy and wet in Madison Florida when we woke up. We ate a breakfast at our B&B before we hit the road around 8:30 and by then it was less foggy. The road was Florida 90 which has a good shoulder to ride on. We ended up staying on 90 instead of following the ACA route on our map because it was a bit shorter. The scenery for the most part was the same old tree lined road with not much to look at or take pics of. There were still plenty of great old oaks around but I can't take a pic of each one. The weather was very hot and very humid today. In the morning it did not slow us down and we rolled up the miles but by the afternoon it was a lot of work to ride without overheating. Clem decided to take the shortcut and ride on to Jacksonville when we came to the fork in the road. Gary and I both stayed on the ACA Southern Tier route. I enjoyed riding and hanging out with Clem and was sorry to see him go his own way. After our split, Gary and I powered on for another 42 miles to High Springs. On the way I had another flat tire. The tire was a bit soft in the morning when we left Madison so I put air in it and it made it about 60 miles before it blew out. I changed the tube and checked the tire carefully for anything that caused the blowout and found the hole to be on the inside seam of the tube. I think it might have been a faulty tube. Either way I changed it in 10 or 15 minutes on the side of the road and we were off again. I seriously had to slow down after the flat because I was overheating while I was riding. The high humidity was not letting the sweat evaporate to cool us today. We stopped at Ichetucknee Springs as we passed it. The springs were crystal clear water that is a constant 72 degrees year round. I wanted to just jump right in but instead we looked and then continued our long 82 mile ride to High Springs. There we checked into a hotel and went over to eat at the diner across the street. We started with great milk shakes with real ice cream and then we had a dinner special to fill us up. Back at the hotel we stopped and talked to some Scottish people that were in our same hotel. They were just here on holidays for a couple of weeks but they have frequently been to the U.S. They were enjoying their visit again this time. I am just finishing up this blog and my other computer stuff then hitting the sack to ride close to but not all the way to St Augustine. When I left San Francisco I had no idea if I could ride my bike all the way down the California coast and then turn left and ride all the way from the West coast to the East coast. I really had serious doubts that a tired disabled old man like me would be able to pedal that far. I can't walk to the end of the block but I have demonstrated that I can ride my bike 4100 miles. I am happy that I was able to do this. It took some serious effort and determination on my part. I had my doubts many times on the ride. I improved my health, lost weight and increased my self confidence and my determination on this ride. It will change the rest of my life for the better. I know I am counting my chicks before the eggs hatch because I still have another 100 miles before I am finished but I will finish this last 100 miles unless I die on the way. I will crawl if I have to and carry the bike but I will be swimming in the Atlantic very soon. More later....

Ride Day 54

I spent last night in Tallahassee with a couple of other bikers I met on the road yesterday. We had a good time together and rode together again today. The ride today was fairly long at 80 miles but it was not too hard. Those people that told me how flat Florida is are not correct. We had rolling hills most of the day. Still nothing compared to Texas though. I enjoyed the ride from Tallahassee to Madison Florida. Tonight we are staying at a bed and breakfast in Madison. It is very home style and Linda the owner is very friendly. We are sharing some beers with her right now. We headed though Florida State University from our hotel and ate breakfast at O'leans Cafe where we ate a big breakfast before we rode though the city to get on the big trail south of town. We rode the bike trail for about six miles and then headed out east on country roads. The miles piled up as we rode down quiet two lane roads through small towns. It did get hot and humid as the day went on. I took very few pics. I am sorry but the scenery was mostly the same old pine and oak lined country roads. There was a bit more agricultural use but still it was the same as I have seen for the last few days. I did have one disappointment today. I have been scanning the roads for live snakes to take pics of for this entire ride. Well today a beautiful 16 inch long green snake came out of the grass onto the road in front of me. It would have made a great pic but unfortunately it came out onto the road right in front of me and I ran over it and killed it. It upset me to do that. I did my best to swerve and brake to avoid it but it was just a suicidal snake. I left it as roadkill. I almost took a pic of it on the road but in the end I did not. It was bad enough that I ran it over and killed it without taking a pic of the carcass. Such is life and death. We are very close to the east coast and are debating which route to take. The ACA route is a lot longer than the direct roads, like 70 miles longer. The debate is will we miss something good if we take the shorter route and are the shorter roads bike friendly roads. We have not decided yet. More later.....